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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30000102">Wanting</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker'>Wallwalker</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Disco Elysium (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Boring Cop, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Multiamory March, Multiamory March 2021, Post-Canon, Pre-OT3, Pre-Slash</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 19:40:44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>500</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30000102</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wallwalker/pseuds/Wallwalker</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Jean's pride gets in the way of a lot.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Harry Du Bois/Kim Kitsuragi/Jean Vicquemare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Multiamory March</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Wanting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>You look at them both together, Kim standing at Harry's desk and talking and Harry stopping his work to give him his full attention, and you want so many things.</p><p>You want to know why Harry has almost never put everything on hold to talk to you like that. He looks at you now, at least, but he'll still have his pen in his hand, still jotting down notes. When Kim approaches he's completely focused on him, and while part of you doesn't blame him (because Kim is a great detective and a great officer and in many ways is everything you have aspired to be, ever since you heard about him and his record,) the rest of you wonders if that means you're not important enough to stop working for. No, scratch that - the rest of you is <i>certain</i> you're not important enough for that. </p><p>You want to know why, after so many years of supporting Harry and trying to help him get over whatever demons he had in his past and hoping you could make him better, he somehow spontaneously managed to come to the same decision himself, without you, and then succeed. Were you holding him back this entire time? Did you have a hand in screwing him up worse? If you talked to Kim… would you somehow ruin him too? (Those two thoughts are... no, you can't keep considering that. That train of thought would completely ruin you.)  </p><p>You want to - oh, fuck, Jean, why are you even considering this? - to go up to both of them sometime and somewhere off duty, maybe with just enough alcohol in you to not immediately bolt, asking them if they can show you what it is they have, what it was that made Harry decide it was worth the effort to be better and move on and what made Kim decide that Harry could still be better after seeing that broken man arrive on the scene? And ask them both if - fuck, if you say this out loud you might as well vanish for good - if they can help you somehow, if there's anything you can do to be a part of whatever it is between them? You know it's bizarre and would probably get you laughed out of the bar or wherever (because it's unlikely that Harry would go to a bar while he's trying so hard to be sober) because, well, it's them, two Lieutenants who clearly have the greatest professional respect for each other, if not more, and you're just a satellite who dreams at night of being good enough to be in their orbits? They're both brilliant, for all of their faults, and you're... you're... you can't even say out loud all the things you'd like to tell them. It makes you feel like some sort of deviant.  </p><p>You want so much... but you can't have any of it. Because right now, you still have your pride. You’ll just have to make that be enough.</p>
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